Post Mother's Day

Being a mom has so many dimensions, and it's one of those "positions" that you have to experience to really understand.  The one recurring thought tho' among all mothers is probably "I wish I could fix... (fill in the blank)".
Recently, I've come to the wide eye realization that no matter how old your children are, you still worry about them, and no matter how old YOU become, your mom still worries about you.  At least that's true of mothers and daughter ~ or maybe of my grandmother and my mom, then my mom and me, and now for Cassidy and me.

When the hustle of the world slows down, I think back to times I know my mom prayed for me, for my children and the decisions we made, the choices we still face, and the people we were deciding and choosing with.  And I begin to pray for my children, and the arrows the world throws at them.

First child is in the process of moving ~ again.  Oh he's moved several times, but this one will probably mean more than all the others combined.  He moved forward 2 years ago - to a future he was so anxious and happy about.  Now he is moving back - with us for the interim until the next apartment is ready, but in a way, moving back to start again.  I remember the feeling of leaving behind memories - good ones and horrible ones, and I pray that he leaves all of the horrible ones on the curb with the trash he leaves behind.  A hurting and heavy heart weighs more than all of the furniture in an apartment ever could.  The mother in me wants to "fix it", but I can't.  Only the one who created him can heal the hurts and mend the heart.

While four of us head south Friday to my mom's family reunion (Joel, Tyson, my mom and I), the second child and her husband head northeast to a graduation.  What an exciting time for them - to be with Jeremy's family as they all celebrate Jordan's high school transition.  But with the miles traveled comes another heavy heart, as storms are on the horizon.  Every person has their personal "fear" and the second child is physically ill over being in storms - especially when driving in them - especially when the vehicle is a truck - especially when the last time they drove to the northeast part of Arkansas in the truck, in a storm, they encountered a slippery road on a curve and met a steel pole.  Another time I wish I could "fix it", but I couldn't then, and I can't "fix" the weather this trip either.  Again, only the One who created her, and who creates the storms can calm the storm within. 

So as both of my children face a storm, I pray that they know they are loved - not only by me, their mother, but by the Father who gave them to me and knows the number of hairs on their head. And as I try to be strong for them, I realize how weak I really am, and how much at times like this, I see how strong my own mother was for me - when I faced the storms within me.  Being with her Sunday, on "Mother's Day" reminded me how precious all of our days are - with our mothers.  I ache for friends who have lost their own moms, or who have mom's that haven't seen the depth of their calling.  And I ache for my own mother, who still misses my grandmother.  Life is strange like that, isn't it?  We want so much to have something on earth that adds up to more than just dust.  Furniture, dishes, trucks and graduations ~ they will all mean nothing one day.  But what about mothers?  Mothers are a different breed - it's more than a position, or a job.  It is not to be accepted lightly for it is a blessing that can not be measured.

I love my mother, and I love being a mom.  I only wish I could do more than love them.  I wish I could make all the eyesight problems, the moving hurts and the storms of life disappear.  I can't.  But I'll always want to do more than I can.  Help me Lord to realize that I can't - but you CAN.

Continue to remind me of your promise:  as David wrote in Psalm 121:

I look to the hills! Where will I find help?  It will come from the LORD,

 who created the heavens and the earth.  The LORD is your protector,

he won't go to sleep or let you stumble. The protector of Israel

doesn't doze or ever get drowsy.

The LORD is your protector, there at your right side to shade you from the sun.

You won't be harmed by the sun during the day or by the moon at night.

The LORD will protect you and keep you safe from all dangers.

The LORD will protect you now and always wherever you go.

Thank you Lord, for that promise.  When my mind wanders (mostly late at night), it's reassuring to know you are awake with me - and will keep me upright.  You know the mother's prayer - for our children - for your children - to follow you with confidence.  Help me to model that better.